Connections

I've had a busy evening of chatting with a few friends online. OK, more than just a few. This evening I took part in a "Deck-date" with Crystal Chappell on Twitter. She calls it that because, like many of us, she uses Tweetdeck. She sets a time and lets everybody know she will be on Twitter and ready to chat. I can only imagine how fast the tweets must fly by as hundreds of fans start typing all at once. And she replies to as many as she can, answering whatever questions are thrown at her. I love that she wants to connect directly to her fans.


I signed into Facebook briefly this evening - I think I've been avoiding it, afraid I'll see the dreaded new Timeline format I haven't bothered to learn about yet. But I like to check and see what's new with family and friends whether I take the time to post something new myself or not. Tonight I was surprised to see that Jill Lorie Hurst was on Facebook, too, so we had a quick chat. She held me accountable for my comment on my previous blog about writing something new every day and asked if I'd posted a new blog yet. So here I am. She is a wonderfully effective encourager and her belief in me has had a much greater impact on me than she realizes. And yes, Jill, I will write that book. Eventually.


Jill and I connected on Twitter and Facebook long before we met in person when my husband and I took our daughter to New York City for her 18th birthday and Jill spent the day with us. Today I was on Twitter discussing plans for another trip to NYC. Again I'll be meeting people I've been chatting with daily for at least a year or two. I'm always amazed at the way these friendships develop with people from all over the world.


It's been over two years since I blogged about the importance of these online friendships when I wrote about Cathie Wagner. During a time of grief friends who had never met face to face could offer each other support and comfort any time of the day or night on Twitter. Just a quick comment or two and the knowledge that someone else is there to help carry our load can help us feel a little less alone in our struggles and give us a little hope.


Tonight, I saw this play out on Twitter again. I noticed that one of my friends hadn't shown up in our usual Saturday night chat for Crystal Chappell's fan club and after the chat was over I found out why. My friend's father had passed away today. As soon as she shared the news I saw our friends, one after another, offering their condolences, prayers and words of comfort. I prayed that she would feel all the love and know that we're here for her if there's anything we can do. I'm sure she has friends and family in her life to support her, as I did when my mother passed away. But how well I recall every word of encouragement I received from my online friends during my own time of grief. 


I know some people think that connecting through social media actually makes us more disconnected from real life relationships. But I think it's like any long distance communication. It is what we make it. 


During the last couple of years of my mother's life I called her frequently. We wouldn't have a long conversation because it tired her to talk and made her start coughing. But I could talk with her a little about things we both enjoyed on TV or ask her a question or two about things only she remembered. I tried to always give her a little laugh or at least make her smile since I couldn't be there to give her a hug. 


In these conversations with my mother we said what we really wanted to say, which we didn't always do in person. My mother had always a very busy lady. If I wanted to talk to her about something I often had to follow her around the house while she was doing some chore or other and we were frequently interrupted, either by someone else or by our own random thoughts. We talked about what to have for supper and the latest sale at the mall and whether or not the plants needed watering instead of saying "I've missed you", "You look beautiful today", "I'm proud of you". But when I called her during those last couple of years, I said what I wanted to say and she focused on what I was saying and we connected in a different way. We made it count.


Twitter and Facebook are just tools of communication. It's up to us to decide how to use them.


I hope I always use them to really connect to my world. 


I hope I make a difference.

Perspective

I recently considered trying to write a new blog every day. It shouldn't be too hard since I used to keep a daily journal. I can always think of something to say. I could just write about one of the hundreds of stray thoughts that zip through my head on any given day or pick one of the several projects I'm working on to write about. The more I thought about it the more I thought, "Who would read that stuff? There's nothing interesting about my day."


Take today, for instance. I slept late, because I don't have a 9 to 5 job to check into and because I've been fighting a cough the past few days and thought the extra rest might do me some good. It did. And now I plan to spend the rest of the day sewing a teddy bear for a customer while I put my feet up and watch TV. That's about it. Nothing earth shattering here today.


Oh, and I'm on Twitter off and on throughout the day. I confess I do a lot of retweeting, particularly about issues that are important to me. This week I've posted and retweeted about gay marriage, matters of faith and soap operas, among other things. 


The past couple of days I tweeted and retweeted a lot about the Susan G. Komen Foundation's decision to pull their funding from Planned Parenthood. I thought about the way so many people see Planned Parenthood as the bad guys. I guess my perspective on this issue is a little different than some people's because I like to look at the history behind an issue. Where did it come from? What was it all about in the beginning and how has it changed, in perception and in reality?


When Margaret Sanger opened the first birth control clinic in America women could not vote or sign contracts. They couldn't open their own bank accounts or divorce their abusive husbands. Contraception was illegal and information about family planning was considered "obscene". After 18 pregnancies and 11 children Sanger's own mother died when she was only 40 years old. 


At its foundation, the organization that became Planned Parenthood was in the business of providing information to women, empowering them to make good choices for themselves and their families and saving their lives.  That's what it continues to do today.


That sounds to me like they're the good guys.  


There are those who are opposed to the things Planned Parenthood stands for on moral or political grounds. I understand that they are very passionate about what they believe. I certanly don't expect everyone to agree with me on everything. There are those who think it is wrong for me, a woman, to wear pants or cut my hair. Different strokes for different folks and all that.


But if an organization is able to help those who cannot help themselves, providing life-saving services they could never afford, I don't understand the logic that says all support should be removed because of a difference of opinion about one or two things.


When did we start to expect complete agreement on all things? If that's your expectation, you will always be disappointed. When this country was founded there was much disagreement about how it should be established, what form it should take and how it would be governed. It was understood that when Congress convened there would be a great deal of impassioned discussion on the issues before a workable compromise could be reached and laws could be enacted for the common good. Compromise is not always a dirty word. It's how government works when it works. And it's often why it doesn't work when it doesn't. Nobody gets everything they want all the time. 


We are a country of many different types of people. I believe it must be a safe place for all of us - even those I disagree with - or it's not a safe place for any of us.


Today, when I read that the Komen Foundation had reversed it's decision to defund Planned Parenthood I felt like I had made a difference just by being part of the discussion on Twitter. I helped spread the word, explained the issues to some who didn't understand what was at stake and I was part of the great outcry that forced them to reconsider their policy.  


I guess I did something interesting after all.

Expecting

When is Christmas over? Is it when the last present is unwrapped? The last relative has gone home? The last Christmas candy has been eaten? Maybe when the ball drops in Times Square?

I know Christmas is over when I stop expecting something new.

During the weeks before Christmas I enjoy lots of fun little surprises. I'm often surprised by an old carol I'd forgotten and childhood memories come flooding back. Relatives surprise me with quick calls to double check someone's size or compare travel plans and recipes. This year we were surprised to spend Christmas Day at the home of my daughter and son-in-law instead of having them come to our place because they'd been sick and weren't up to driving over. We packed up Christmas dinner and took it to them and had a great time opening presents and playing with their cats.

Somehow, no matter how much planning goes into the season it’s never quite what you expected.

Today we said goodbye to another soap opera as One Life To Live aired its last original episode on ABC. For close to twenty-five years I've tuned in to life in Llanview expecting to see a new story unfold every Monday through Friday. Sometimes I predicted the way a story might play out, guessing which good guy was really the bad guy, which DNA test wasn't necessarily conclusive or which character might be recast next. More than once I've seen good writers fix a bad story and brilliant actors shine when handed a less than brilliant script.

But I always saw something new. No repeats, except for an occasional holiday re-run.

Next Monday there will be nothing new in Llanview. And I'm still grieving the loss of All My Children. More than just entertainment, these shows have been a gathering place for families and friends from one generation to the next for as long as I can remember. Even when characters and stories changed, we could tune into Llanview or Pine Valley and find something familiar and remember the foundational stories that we loved so much as we watched new stories develop. I could always pick up a novel or go see a movie but the never ending story format of soap operas is something unique.

The sense of expectation is what I will miss on Monday when the time comes and there's no One Life To Live to watch. I felt that loss when All My Children went off the air but at the time we thought we'd be seeing it online so I could tell myself it wasn't really goodbye and I took comfort in the last few months of life in Llanview. I am very grateful for Frank Vallentini and Ron Carlivati and all the cast and crew of OLTL who brought this wonderful show to a very satisfying close. The last two shows in particular were brilliantly written and brought me to tears several times. Special thanks go to The View for their Tribute to One Life to Live show for packing so many memories into an hour that flew by, also accompanied by tears.

It's not just the anticipation of what my favorite characters will do next that I'll miss, though, it's sharing that with other viewers. Year by year new friends have become dear friends as we've talked about our favorite stories in person and online. This week plans are underway for the next fan luncheon for Jessica Leccia in New York City and I've been thinking of people I might see there if I'm able to attend. Some I've never met, some I met only briefly at last year's luncheon, but dear friends I chat with every day.

While bracing myself for this last week of OLTL I thought of how Guiding Light led the way for us. As GL was going off the air, many of the actors, writers & crew members made themselves available to the fans on Twitter and Facebook. We saw life go on for them as they shared their new dreams with us and allowed us to encourage and support them. In many cases new and life-changing friendships formed and once again I was caught by surprise. Somehow we felt like we didn't have to really let them go as we followed them to new shows and projects. I’m glad so many from AMC & OLTL are staying in touch with us the same way now.

I’m sure I’ll see some of my favorite actors from OLTL go on to other TV shows or movies. Some may be seen on stage in towns all around the country or even on Broadway. Some may be signing their latest book at my local bookstore.

I certainly expect to watch some of them in webseries like my favorite new soap, Venice. These are the ones reinventing the entertainment industry and interacting with the audience in new and different ways. Emmy-winning Venice is in its third season now and when new episodes are released every Wednesday I gather with other viewers to talk about the latest developments just like I have with other soaps I’ve watched for years. 

I expect new stories will be shared online as long as there is an audience to watch them.

I know I’ll be staying tuned to see what they do next. 

I hope you'll leave a comment and tell me about your favorite new webseries. Feel free to share your memories of OLTL or thoughts on the this week's shows. 

Her

I told myself

"I will never be like

her."


Out of step

Out of touch

Out of her mind.


Why does she major

on the minors?

Why so many words

that say nothing?


How did she get this way?

Was she always so miserable?

Has she

ever

been

happy?


Can't get her to stop & listen

Can't get her to see what I see

Can't get away fast enough.


My life

My rules

My

mistakes


that haunt me

and won't go away.


In the morning when I wake up

they're there.

In the night when sleep won't come

they're there.

In the moments in between

when I think I've beat them back

they're there.


And again
I hear her voice


"There, there..."

Jeannine

Yesterday, December 1st, was the second anniversary of the death of my mother-in-law, Jeannine Cook Pool. You'll hear no mother-in-law jokes from me. She was an amazing force of nature and I was privileged to know her.

I had been introduced to her, briefly, at church on a Sunday morning, but I recall really meeting her when I gave my husband-to-be a ride home from our college campus one evening. I didn't know he was my husband-to-be at the time, we were just friends who had met through the Baptist Student Union at Southwest Texas State University in San Marcos, Texas (now called Texas State University). But it seemed Tinkerbelle knew something was up.

Tinkerbelle was a little dachshund-terrier mix who, unbeknownst to me, was usually wary of strangers. But when we stepped into the house Tinkerbelle ran right up to me, flipped over on her back and eagerly waited for me to reach down and rub her tummy, which I was delighted to do. As I was getting acquainted with Tinkerbelle I noticed Dub, his younger sister and their parents standing around us with their mouths hanging open for a few seconds of shocked silence before they all began to explain that Tinkerbelle just doesn't take to strangers. They looked at me like I'd suddenly sprouted a halo and looked at Dub as though saying silently, "Where did you find this girl?!


I should have asked Tinkerbelle, "What do you know that I don't know?!"


That was the first time I recall being on the receiving end of a Jeannine Pool hug and I don't think I have the words to tell you how much pure love and acceptance came with one of those hugs. She made me feel like family even then.


When I was sick, holed up in my little college apartment with a fever, she made me her homemade chicken soup. When I was stressing out about planning wedding details she told me that her job as mother of the groom was to wear beige and keep her mouth shut and that made me laugh and broke the tension. She also told me that the rehearsal dinner was the only thing she got to plan and she looked me square in the eye and said, "You're going to be comfortable. Everybody's wearing jeans. We're having a western barbecue dinner!" And I loved her all the more. I bought myself a new cowboy hat to wear to it, borrowed my roommate's Justin boots and Dub and I wore matching armadillo belt buckles. I was comfortable and everybody had a great time.

When Dub's father passed away we were there for her and she taught us about dealing gracefully with loss and adjusting to life's unexpected changes.

When we could afford next to nothing for Christmas, she lavished gifts on our little girls and made sure they had all they needed.

When we sought an escape from our stressful routine she welcomed us for long weekends at her beautiful home in the Texas Hill Country where we could put our feet up and watch the deer and the birds in her yard and wave to the golfers playing on the 6th fairway while our girls played dress-up in her closet.

She got her breast cancer diagnosis when we were visiting one weekend. I'm glad we were there. When she went for her first visit with the oncologist to discuss her radiation treatments, I went with her. Thankfully, they had caught it early and a few weeks of radiation took care of it.

She was as close as a phone call and I miss dialing her number and hearing her say, "Pool's residence, this is Mrs. Pool" and replying, "This is the other Mrs. Pool!" and hearing the delight in her voice as we caught up on all the news of the family.

She poured her love into her son and daughter and her granddaughters and I see her in each of them whenever we're together. She comforted us and challenged us and sometimes exasperated us.

She left us a lot to live up to.

I hope we make her proud.

Static

On the occasion of the last taping of One Life To Live on ABC I feel that I should share some profound words of wisdom.

I've got nothing.


For many of us the memories go back for decades as we grew up with the characters who have populated Llanview and those who were just passing through. I can't see one of these former Llanview residents pop up on primetime shows or in movies without saying, "Hey, he used to be on "One Life To Live!"

I've been missing All My Children for months since it left the airwaves and soon it will be time to face the sad fact that One Life To Live will no longer be found on ABC. I still have hope that both shows will eventually be resurrected on the web. This is as revolutionary as when soap operas moved from radio to television. It's a new world and we're all reinventing it every day.

Feeling nostalgic about my favorite soaps and considering the changing landscape of the entertainment industry, I know it's not just the shows themselves that I miss. It's the community. Today I spend time on Twitter and Facebook and talk about my favorite shows with literally thousands of fans from all over the world on a daily basis. Some would say "Now, there's a community!" With hundreds of channels to choose from you can usually find someone else who is watching that show you love and one of them has probably set up their own message board for it.

When I was a child in the '60's, I'd turn on my television set, peek at the back of it to see the tubes start to glow as it warmed up, wiggle the rabbit ears about till I found the perfect spot and the snow on the screen cleared up, adjusted the contrast to receive all the colors from white to grey to black, and then turned the dial to one of the three networks (okay, we could pull in a couple of independent stations, too) and finally settle in to watch my favorite show. With so few choices there was a good chance most of my friends were watching the same thing at that very moment. No one had heard of VCRs yet.

I tell myself it was a simpler time when the world moved at a slower pace and shows stayed on the air for years and years and became old friends. But the reality is the '60s were anything but slow as the world was changing radically at breakneck speed. For every memory of Mr. Rogers and Captain Kangaroo there were also images of Peter Jennings and Dan Rather reporting on the Vietnam war. And while there were shows that lasted like Gunsmoke and Bonanza we also gratefully bid adieu to My Mother the Car and It's About Time.

The only constant is change.

Sometimes unexpected

Sometimes met with a sense of relief

Often fought tooth and nail

Change is inevitable.

We can't tune out the static yet and get a clear picture of the future for All My Children and One Life To Live but I think there are a few things we can say for sure.

1. No matter what happens, fans will complain.

2. Our favorite soaps will be replaced on the networks by other shows, much cheaper to produce, that will be little noted nor long remembered.

3. Prospect Park sees value in these shows and is willing to try to find a new format, a new platform to keep telling their stories. It's not a sentimental sacrifice on their part, they're hoping it will pay off. I'm glad they recognize that these shows do still have an audience and they apparently believe the audience will still be there once they've worked out the kinks. I think they're right and I wish them all the luck in the world for the sake of the fans and all who have played a part in bringing these shows to us for so long.

4. No matter where they go or what other projects they will do in the future, the fans will always support anyone who has worked on soaps. Members of the Guiding Light family who joined Twitter and Facebook as their show was going off the air know the connection formed with fans has provided much needed support for actors, crew members and fans during the transition to life after the show. This is yet another way that Guiding Light has blazed a trail for us and now All My Children and One Life to Live actors are connecting with the fans in this way, too.

So, to the cast and crew of One Life to Live, I say a heartfelt "Thank you" for all the stories through all the years, every laugh,every tear and every Friday cliffhanger.


I look forward to the future.

It won't look like today.

But people will always want stories.

There will always be someone who wants to tell them.

And someone will find a way to share them.

The Government

When I moved to Maryland it seemed to me that the people here had a very different attitude toward government than in my home state of Texas. In Texas the government was what you wanted to get off your back. In Maryland, the government was how so many people managed their space and their resources in this densely populated area of the country.

We’re hearing a lot in the news these days about the government. Some people want more, some people want less, some blame the government for everything.

The government isn't a group of buildings in Washington DC, a corporation, or a nameless, faceless entity out to get you.

The government IS you.

The government didn't spring into being overnight when someone waved a magic wand. It's there because We, the People, put it there.

Walk into any government office anywhere and the people you see working are there because somebody voted for somebody who got elected and made a decision that put them there.

No one has more power to change the government than you do - than we do - because WE are the government. We decide how our country will be governed every time we vote in an election and between elections we can contact the people we voted into office and tell them what we want them to do and why. The choices they make may not always go the way we’d like but we have the right and the responsibility to be part of the process.

I hear a lot of people complaining about candidates, saying they don’t like any of them. They’re fed up with the government and they’re not going to bother voting this time.

If you do not exercise your right to vote then you are allowing other people to make important decisions for you. If you don't like the decisions they make, then you made the wrong decision when you gave that power to them.

Next time, exercise your right to vote. Work it. Do your research, don't just read the headlines or take someone's word for it. Read it for yourself, listen to a candidate's whole speech and not just the sound bites. Consider the source of the news you read and don't rely on just one. Weigh the long term consequences of policies, not just the quick fixes because the future of our children is at stake.