Her

I told myself

"I will never be like

her."


Out of step

Out of touch

Out of her mind.


Why does she major

on the minors?

Why so many words

that say nothing?


How did she get this way?

Was she always so miserable?

Has she

ever

been

happy?


Can't get her to stop & listen

Can't get her to see what I see

Can't get away fast enough.


My life

My rules

My

mistakes


that haunt me

and won't go away.


In the morning when I wake up

they're there.

In the night when sleep won't come

they're there.

In the moments in between

when I think I've beat them back

they're there.


And again
I hear her voice


"There, there..."

Jeannine

Yesterday, December 1st, was the second anniversary of the death of my mother-in-law, Jeannine Cook Pool. You'll hear no mother-in-law jokes from me. She was an amazing force of nature and I was privileged to know her.

I had been introduced to her, briefly, at church on a Sunday morning, but I recall really meeting her when I gave my husband-to-be a ride home from our college campus one evening. I didn't know he was my husband-to-be at the time, we were just friends who had met through the Baptist Student Union at Southwest Texas State University in San Marcos, Texas (now called Texas State University). But it seemed Tinkerbelle knew something was up.

Tinkerbelle was a little dachshund-terrier mix who, unbeknownst to me, was usually wary of strangers. But when we stepped into the house Tinkerbelle ran right up to me, flipped over on her back and eagerly waited for me to reach down and rub her tummy, which I was delighted to do. As I was getting acquainted with Tinkerbelle I noticed Dub, his younger sister and their parents standing around us with their mouths hanging open for a few seconds of shocked silence before they all began to explain that Tinkerbelle just doesn't take to strangers. They looked at me like I'd suddenly sprouted a halo and looked at Dub as though saying silently, "Where did you find this girl?!


I should have asked Tinkerbelle, "What do you know that I don't know?!"


That was the first time I recall being on the receiving end of a Jeannine Pool hug and I don't think I have the words to tell you how much pure love and acceptance came with one of those hugs. She made me feel like family even then.


When I was sick, holed up in my little college apartment with a fever, she made me her homemade chicken soup. When I was stressing out about planning wedding details she told me that her job as mother of the groom was to wear beige and keep her mouth shut and that made me laugh and broke the tension. She also told me that the rehearsal dinner was the only thing she got to plan and she looked me square in the eye and said, "You're going to be comfortable. Everybody's wearing jeans. We're having a western barbecue dinner!" And I loved her all the more. I bought myself a new cowboy hat to wear to it, borrowed my roommate's Justin boots and Dub and I wore matching armadillo belt buckles. I was comfortable and everybody had a great time.

When Dub's father passed away we were there for her and she taught us about dealing gracefully with loss and adjusting to life's unexpected changes.

When we could afford next to nothing for Christmas, she lavished gifts on our little girls and made sure they had all they needed.

When we sought an escape from our stressful routine she welcomed us for long weekends at her beautiful home in the Texas Hill Country where we could put our feet up and watch the deer and the birds in her yard and wave to the golfers playing on the 6th fairway while our girls played dress-up in her closet.

She got her breast cancer diagnosis when we were visiting one weekend. I'm glad we were there. When she went for her first visit with the oncologist to discuss her radiation treatments, I went with her. Thankfully, they had caught it early and a few weeks of radiation took care of it.

She was as close as a phone call and I miss dialing her number and hearing her say, "Pool's residence, this is Mrs. Pool" and replying, "This is the other Mrs. Pool!" and hearing the delight in her voice as we caught up on all the news of the family.

She poured her love into her son and daughter and her granddaughters and I see her in each of them whenever we're together. She comforted us and challenged us and sometimes exasperated us.

She left us a lot to live up to.

I hope we make her proud.

Static

On the occasion of the last taping of One Life To Live on ABC I feel that I should share some profound words of wisdom.

I've got nothing.


For many of us the memories go back for decades as we grew up with the characters who have populated Llanview and those who were just passing through. I can't see one of these former Llanview residents pop up on primetime shows or in movies without saying, "Hey, he used to be on "One Life To Live!"

I've been missing All My Children for months since it left the airwaves and soon it will be time to face the sad fact that One Life To Live will no longer be found on ABC. I still have hope that both shows will eventually be resurrected on the web. This is as revolutionary as when soap operas moved from radio to television. It's a new world and we're all reinventing it every day.

Feeling nostalgic about my favorite soaps and considering the changing landscape of the entertainment industry, I know it's not just the shows themselves that I miss. It's the community. Today I spend time on Twitter and Facebook and talk about my favorite shows with literally thousands of fans from all over the world on a daily basis. Some would say "Now, there's a community!" With hundreds of channels to choose from you can usually find someone else who is watching that show you love and one of them has probably set up their own message board for it.

When I was a child in the '60's, I'd turn on my television set, peek at the back of it to see the tubes start to glow as it warmed up, wiggle the rabbit ears about till I found the perfect spot and the snow on the screen cleared up, adjusted the contrast to receive all the colors from white to grey to black, and then turned the dial to one of the three networks (okay, we could pull in a couple of independent stations, too) and finally settle in to watch my favorite show. With so few choices there was a good chance most of my friends were watching the same thing at that very moment. No one had heard of VCRs yet.

I tell myself it was a simpler time when the world moved at a slower pace and shows stayed on the air for years and years and became old friends. But the reality is the '60s were anything but slow as the world was changing radically at breakneck speed. For every memory of Mr. Rogers and Captain Kangaroo there were also images of Peter Jennings and Dan Rather reporting on the Vietnam war. And while there were shows that lasted like Gunsmoke and Bonanza we also gratefully bid adieu to My Mother the Car and It's About Time.

The only constant is change.

Sometimes unexpected

Sometimes met with a sense of relief

Often fought tooth and nail

Change is inevitable.

We can't tune out the static yet and get a clear picture of the future for All My Children and One Life To Live but I think there are a few things we can say for sure.

1. No matter what happens, fans will complain.

2. Our favorite soaps will be replaced on the networks by other shows, much cheaper to produce, that will be little noted nor long remembered.

3. Prospect Park sees value in these shows and is willing to try to find a new format, a new platform to keep telling their stories. It's not a sentimental sacrifice on their part, they're hoping it will pay off. I'm glad they recognize that these shows do still have an audience and they apparently believe the audience will still be there once they've worked out the kinks. I think they're right and I wish them all the luck in the world for the sake of the fans and all who have played a part in bringing these shows to us for so long.

4. No matter where they go or what other projects they will do in the future, the fans will always support anyone who has worked on soaps. Members of the Guiding Light family who joined Twitter and Facebook as their show was going off the air know the connection formed with fans has provided much needed support for actors, crew members and fans during the transition to life after the show. This is yet another way that Guiding Light has blazed a trail for us and now All My Children and One Life to Live actors are connecting with the fans in this way, too.

So, to the cast and crew of One Life to Live, I say a heartfelt "Thank you" for all the stories through all the years, every laugh,every tear and every Friday cliffhanger.


I look forward to the future.

It won't look like today.

But people will always want stories.

There will always be someone who wants to tell them.

And someone will find a way to share them.

The Government

When I moved to Maryland it seemed to me that the people here had a very different attitude toward government than in my home state of Texas. In Texas the government was what you wanted to get off your back. In Maryland, the government was how so many people managed their space and their resources in this densely populated area of the country.

We’re hearing a lot in the news these days about the government. Some people want more, some people want less, some blame the government for everything.

The government isn't a group of buildings in Washington DC, a corporation, or a nameless, faceless entity out to get you.

The government IS you.

The government didn't spring into being overnight when someone waved a magic wand. It's there because We, the People, put it there.

Walk into any government office anywhere and the people you see working are there because somebody voted for somebody who got elected and made a decision that put them there.

No one has more power to change the government than you do - than we do - because WE are the government. We decide how our country will be governed every time we vote in an election and between elections we can contact the people we voted into office and tell them what we want them to do and why. The choices they make may not always go the way we’d like but we have the right and the responsibility to be part of the process.

I hear a lot of people complaining about candidates, saying they don’t like any of them. They’re fed up with the government and they’re not going to bother voting this time.

If you do not exercise your right to vote then you are allowing other people to make important decisions for you. If you don't like the decisions they make, then you made the wrong decision when you gave that power to them.

Next time, exercise your right to vote. Work it. Do your research, don't just read the headlines or take someone's word for it. Read it for yourself, listen to a candidate's whole speech and not just the sound bites. Consider the source of the news you read and don't rely on just one. Weigh the long term consequences of policies, not just the quick fixes because the future of our children is at stake.

Moms and Weddings, Part Two

She's married.

I'm a mother-in-law.

I have a son-in-law.

I also have a house full of leftover food, reception decorations, wedding gifts and a hard drive full of photos waiting to be edited and shared.

It happens so fast. And like Liza Minelli's song, when it all comes true just the way you planned, it's a quiet thing.* Her smile as an infant, a toddler and every age along the way flashed through my mind along with every wish I'd ever had for her. And they all came true in that moment.

I did not take pictures during the ceremony itself, did not even have my camera with me then since I'd promised my daughter I would simply be the Mother Of The Bride. At times I have to choose whether to be a participant or an observer when do I have my camera with me and I confess I slipped into observer mode for a while during the reception.

But as I looked around the room at my brother and sister, Aunt Becky, nieces, nephews, cousins and all my extended family gathered there, I had to save the moment.

The last time so many of us had been together was for my mother's memorial service and I wondered then how well we would stay in touch with each other since Mom had been our communications hub, relaying the news from one corner of the family to another. While weeks and months have passed between emails and phone calls and an occasional birthday gets missed, we do love and enjoy each other and have stayed in touch pretty well. My sister, aunt and sister-in-law hosted a delightful bridesmaid's luncheon for my daughter the day before the wedding, filled with laughter and hugs. Then they showed up the next day ready to pitch in and help make this DIY wedding everything Becky and Andy hoped it would be.

I love my family.

I told my sister that it was just as well that my mother wasn't around for this one, though.  Mom liked to have all the details arranged well in advance whether she was planning a Sunday School lesson or a wedding. My daughter, Becky, is much more spontaneous. While some things had been prepared well in advance, other elements came together nicely the day before with assignments handed out to relatives and friends who were eager to help, as she knew they would be. That would have driven my mother batty!

But it gave us the opportunity to be participants

instead of just observers

To give something of ourselves to bring joy to Becky and Andy

who have given so much joy to us

To get to know each other

on all sides of this growing family

as we worked together to make memories that would last a lifetime.

*If you aren't familiar with the song, here's one of my favorite versions of it.

For Liz and Llanview

I confess that I didn't start watching Guiding Light until early in 2009, so I missed some of the best moments of Liz Keifer's portrayal or Blake Marler. But let me tell you what I did see and why I am a fan of her work now.

In every scene in which Liz Keifer appeared, I learned a little bit more about the character of Blake Marler. Even in scenes where she was just in the background there was always some little thing Liz did to show us something about Blake's personality. And what I saw made me want to know Blake better.

I had started watching GL because friends had told me about Otalia – the story of Olivia and Natalia. They said their relationship was building slowly the way the great soap romances always have. As I watched their love story unfold and saw Blake get more involved with the two of them, I was more and more impressed with Liz Keifer and what she could do with the slightest gesture or look. She delivered a line as though a great truth had only that moment dawned on Blake, opening up a whole new world to her, illuminating her face with a child-like sense of wonder.

When we first see Liz on Venice, Crystal Chappell's webseries, she doesn't say a word and she's only on screen for a few seconds. We don't know who she is or why she is hurting or even whether she is real or not. But you cannot look away. And you must find out who this woman is and what caused her pain and what will bring healing to her. Is she real or a ghost or a figment of Guya's imagination?

I've become a fan of Jerry verDorn, too, since he joined the cast of one of my favorite shows, One Life to Live. I knew that he and Liz sponsored an event called Daytime Stars and Strikes but I haven't been able to attend one of these yet. Last year I donated some auction items, though. This year I couldn't afford to donate anything so I rallied some of my Twitter friends to donate things instead. I contacted Wendy Madore, the organizer of the event and wrote a blogabout where to send donated items and Tweeted about it. Some of myCafePress items and things from the Venice Shop were donated to help raise money for the American Cancer Society. (You can see photos of this event here.)

As I followed the news that was Tweeted by friends of mine who attended the event I saw @Guiding_Light mention that she'd spoken with Jerry verDorn and he wants to encourage fans to write in and request that Liz be added to the cast of One Life to Live. I immediately thought of several possibilities of characters and stories she could play! She would be a great fit for Llanview and I know I'll be writing to let my voice be heard.

But I don't want them to hear from only me. I want them to hear from you, too. Just as I did for the donations to the Stars and Strikes auction, I'm spreading the word so others can get involved. Below you will find all the contact information you'll need to send your letters and postcards to ABC and to Prospect Park, the company taking OLTL online in January. Please share this information on Twitter, Facebook and anywhere else you like. Feel free to link to this blog , too, and I'll be sure to share any new information as it becomes available! (This information can also be found at http://elizabethkeifer-campaign.tumblr.com/howtogetinvolved .


Frank Valentini, Exec Producer, OLTL
ABC Daytime
320 West 66th Street
New York, NY 10023

Ron Carlivati HeadWriter, One Life to Live
ABC Daytime
77 West 66th Street
New York, NY 10023

Prospect Park Branch Office
2049 Century Park East #2550
Century City, California 90067
Attn: Mr. Paul Frank - Executive Head of TV

Call in to One Life To Live:
OLTL Direct Comment Lines: (NY) 212-456-3338 (NY) 212-456-7777 OR (LA) 818-460-7477

Tweet @prospectpk tell them you want to see Liz Kiefer (@eakcik) on One Life to Live.

My Life is a Soap Opera Blake Mug by donnapool
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Thank You, Steve

In 1984 my husband and I bought the original Macintosh computer. It was a huge investment for us at the time, about $2400, since my husband was in seminary and I was working full-time to help put him through school. But we felt like having the Macintosh would mean he'd spend less time typing and re-typing his papers (or learning word processing on an IBM PC and I could use it for graphics work, too.

We were right. Years later our daughter, Becky, would wrap her tiny fingers around the mouse of that Macintosh and make pictures with its graphics program. (She eventually graduated from college with a degree in Graphic Design and is now head of the Photo Department at LivingSocial.com.)

I'd say our investment paid off.

We did eventually grow frustrated with that Mac, though, and it's lack of a built in hard drive or second floppy drive. Its 128k of ram was twice what the IBM PC offered at the time but technology grew by leaps and bounds and passed us and our small budget by. We couldn't keep up with the upgrades and new models that came each year so we kept ours just as it came from the factory.

Decades later, when we finally admitted we would never again actually use the old Macintosh and we needed the space in our tiny basement, we sold it on eBay. The one thing potential buyers wanted to know about it was whether or not we had the original Styrofoam boxes everything came in with the original cardboard sleeves on them, emblazoned with the Apple logo. We did. Everything had been packed away in the original boxes, with the original software and manuals, never upgraded. The Macintosh & Imagewriter printer were in good working order, just the way we got them. The buyer drove to Maryland from New Jersey and paid us several hundred dollars in cash for his treasured vintage Macinstosh.

We dropped out of the world of Apple for decades, unable to keep up with the high cost of the products, no matter how wonderful they were. Not everybody can afford first class. Then my daughter received an ipod mini as a gift and we gave an ipod touch to my husband for his birthday. I bought myself an ipod classic for my 50^th birthday with money from my family. And when Becky started her university art classes she got a Mac with her student loan money. Now, she has an iphone.

But Steve Jobs gave us much more than good products.

He gave us ideas.

The idea that you can make your dreams come true even if you start with nothing.

The idea that you can pick yourself up and start over when you fail and have been rejected.

The idea that there is always a new dream to pursue.

The idea that every day counts.

The idea that you can change the world.

Thank you, Steve. We will miss you.